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So Oscar, the goldfish member of our family, died yesterday. He was nearly one.

We went up to our cabin on Friday and put Oscar in a clear container for the hour-long ride. He was fine. I put him into the vase we use at the lake for his temporary bowl and he swam frenetically around, like he usually does.

I even put him on the shelf so he could see the lake while he swam.

Maybe that’s what did it. Maybe he looked out of his fish bowl, saw the lake, and tried so hard to swim there that he died trying? I don’t know. My son, the rightful owner of Oscar, having won him at a carnival and carried him carefully home in a plastic baggie last summer, thought it was because we overfed him. I guess we will never know.

But still, I feel bad. Poor Oscar. He’s in the garden now, having been unceremoniously dumped there by my son. We stood there, not really knowing what to say, looking down between the lavender and sedum where he lay, still wondering why he seemed fine in the morning, only to be lying at the bottom of the vase a few hours later.

“He was a good fish,” said my son finally, then he tucked the vase under his arm and headed back into the cabin.

It’s a weird feeling, having a pet fish die. I’m a dog person myself. I like to interact with my pets. I always felt that the fish was somehow aloof, uncaring. Yet, Oscar did have a personality. Of sorts. He was pretty hyper and seemed to like being fed. Our other fish, Achilles, doesn’t really do much. He’s a beautiful blue Betta fish. But he’s a poser. Oscar was just a plain, simple goldfish. He had to work to get our attention. Maybe that’s why I feel bad. Oscar tried hard.

He was a good fish.

[caption id=”attachment_633″ align=”alignright” width=”300″ caption=”Old North Bridge”][/caption]

I have a scene in my current Work In Progress (WIP) where my main character and his sidekick encounter a raging river. While I grew up nearby the Concord River in Massachusetts and spent many an afternoon roaming around the gardens of Buttrick Mansion and canoeing under the Old North Bridge, I haven’t spent much time on rivers in my adult life. So to re-enforce my memories, I turned to a virtual source for my setting’s inspiration: Facebook.

Inspiration is an interesting concept. So many things can inspire us to create works of art or to get motivated to do things: nature, good weather, an overflowing hamper (okay, maybe not so much on that last one). In my case, the inspiration for one of my picture books, The Kangaroo Pouch, came from necessity. At the time the book was originally conceived (2004), children’s books introducing the concept of surrogacy were unavailable in the retail market.  As a parent, I like to use books as conversational spring-boards when I have to talk to my children about complex topics.  I was about to become a compassionate gestational surrogate on behalf of a family member and needed a book to help me explain the situation to my children. Since there were none, I wrote and illustrated The Kangaroo Pouch.  It wasn’t pretty, but it got the job done.

Original Version of The Kangaroo Pouch

I discovered that my children would often refer the book throughout the pregnancy and afterwards.  They would discuss the various stages with each other and would bring the book over to me to ask questions.  I realized that they were using it like a “What To Expect” manual and that’s when I thought that perhaps other surrogate families would get some benefit out of it too. I changed the book to reflect a gender neutral couple and had it professionally illustrated.

Professional Version of The Kangaroo Pouch

Last year, when I returned home from the Society of Children Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI) Winter Conference, I felt compelled to sit down with my manuscript and rewrite it. And I did. Twice. From two different points of view.  It took me a year, but I think it is a much better manuscript, and I owe that to what I learned at the conference. This year, I don’t feel the urge to rewrite (thankfully), but I do feel the need to focus my writing efforts. And I suspect that if I manage to pull off the final polish of my manuscript and, gasp, actually send it out, I will owe that feat to SCBWI conference as well.

Sara Zarr, one of the keynote speakers and author of Once was Lost, devoted her talk to “Taking Care of Your Creative Life” and it resonated with me. One of the things she talked about was time management and she threw in funny bits about Twitter, Blogs, and Facebook and how they can creep in and take over your creative time if you let it. Boy-oh-boy is she right! Sometimes it is easier to read about what we need to do in our manuscript than to actually sit down and do it. It gives us a false sense of working.

When I first started this blog my concern with having one at all was that it would take away from my “real” writing and frankly, it has. I find that instead of working on the scene where I need to set the stakes for my main character, I’m freaking out about what I’m going to write here. I draft posts, never to see the light of day, and I spend time thinking about appropriate topics for a new person in the business to write about. While I’ve been writing, learning, marketing, and have self-published, I still don’t feel like I have enough to say - I’m an authority on being green and who wants to read that? And while it is good to write and good to set deadlines, I need to be using my limited time wisely. So I’m going to fade to black for a bit and come back when I have finished what I started. I believe in my manuscript and I need to take that final step.

So, off I go to write. If there is anyone out there reading, be well.

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• Preparing for the SCBWI Conference (sphillipspellet.wordpress.com)

It’s here! It’s here! The Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators (SCBWI) Winter Conference kicks off this Friday in New York City. I’m very excited about it. Not so excited about the slush though. The slush is ruining my outfit choices because my clunky snow boots are not the look I’m shooting for. Sigh. Oh well. Maybe I’ll bring a baggie and check them with my coat. If there is anyone out there reading this blog who is planning to attend and you’re not from around here … we’re expecting 4-8 inches on Thursday and a bit more on Saturday (but that might change to rain, oh joy). So prepare yourself.

Apart from figuring out what to wear (nice trousers, blouse, sweater, scarf, and comfortable shoes - not my usual jeans and sweatshirt ensemble), I’m preparing my “elevator pitch” on the off-chance that someone asks me what my book is all about. I wrote it out to organize my main points and have reworked it verbally so can I remember it. I’ve been practicing my pitch as I walk my dogs. I’m sure my neighbors think I’m crazy. Maybe they just think I talk to my dogs a lot. No matter. Honestly though, I’m not going to the conference to make a pitch. I’m going to learn and soak up some awesomeness.

I’ve also got my briefcase ready - a notebook, business cards, extra pens, mints, and an extra small bag to carry book purchases from the on-site conference shop. I think I’m all set!

In a field of wildflowers
Sunshine in abundance
Sweet breezes of promises,
Kiss my cheek so softly
As I stand in the vision.

The dandelion roars its radiance!
And then whispers into silver strands of fluff
And when the wind blows,
The seeds slip away, leaving the dandelion
Naked
To face the field of wildflowers.

The sweet wind, breeze of hope,
Swirls into a thundering storm
Bends to snap the wildflowers,
Leaving me to stand in the rain
With nothing but the stem of a dandelion dead
In a field of broken dreams.

[caption id=”attachment_347″ align=”alignleft” width=”300″ caption=”Sunrise at the Cabin”][/caption]

After last week’s post (despairing of invaded writing space), I decided to pack up my materials, some food, a shovel, and head for the hills for the weekend so I could write, undisturbed. No dogs nudging my hands off the keyboard for attention. No children running amok with Nerf guns, having battles in the living room, and hitting me in the head with foam bullets. No husband stopping by my desk to chat about the latest and greatest tool for wood-working that he just read about in Wood magazine. Nope, just me, my stuff, and the snowed-in cabin. Very Ernest Hemingway. Minus the beard, the pipe, and, well, you know, the shenanigans.

It was pretty darn quiet.

But I got so much done! It was great. I didn’t get a whole lot of creative writing done, per se, but I think what I did do, was just as important: I de-cluttered and got organized.

I have a binder where I store all the information relating to my story. At first, it was a file folder. But as the story morphed from a picture book format into a novel format, it became apparent that I needed something bigger. So I got the “Big Binder” as I refer to it as (not very creative, I know, but it works). I initially put my information in to it and loosely organized it. Big mistake. I should have spent time upfront organizing because I’ve wasted a lot of time since trying to find things I know I’ve already researched.  So this weekend I sifted through all the paper, discarded the unnecessary items, categorized what remained, and put it back under proper headings with proper dividers. So much better. Everything I need is at the flick of a sturdy, colorful divider tab. Divine.

The best thing about getting all this information sorted is that I now feel like I have a handle on the complexities of my story. I don’t have to remember who’s wearing what, whether or not I fully researched something, etc. By getting everything in its place and out of my brain, I can refocus on writing. I know that sounds so simple, but sometimes, it is the simple things that matter most.

Every year, at the start of the New Year, I compile a list of goals and objectives, both professional and personal. It is a realistic list (not the one I posted as a joke last week), broken down into time-frames, and I review it periodically to see if I’m on target. If not, then I tweak.

I did a lot of tweaking on the goal of finishing my middle grade manuscript. I’m not happy about it.  At all.

So I’ve been thinking about that small, but big question:  Why?  Why did finishing my manuscript get pushed further and further out? Out into 2011? What happened?

Life happened, that’s what.

I work from home and I think that is a big part of it. At our old house, I had a separate office, away from the fracas, where I could work undisturbed. Here at our new house, I’m in the living room/main reception room. Otherwise known as Grand Central Station. I’m right by the staircase. I’m next to the foyer. I’m on the way to the television/gaming room. I’m about 20 feet away from the kitchen. Everybody knows where to find me. And find me, they do.

I’m too exposed and seemingly available.  The availability issue is my biggest concern. It is a problem of perception, I think. My family sees me sitting here at the computer, right in the middle of everything, so they think I’m available to them at all times. I read somewhere that a writer, who was having a similar issue to mine, put up a sign that says “WORKING” or something to that effect. I think I’ll give that a try. And I’ll talk with my husband, who is by far, the worst offender, despite the fact that he works at an office in Manhattan most of the day. The phone calls, the emails, the “honey-do” lists have a way of creeping into my writing time. It has to stop.

It is time to push back on all the invaders.

I am very excited about attending this year’s Society of Children’s Book Writer and Illustrators (SCBWI)  conference in New York at the end of January. I went to my first such conference last year and was impressed by the scale (over 1,000 fellow writers and artists all in one spot), the speakers (Libba Bray and Jacqueline Woodson were favorites), and the breakout sessions. One of the main take-aways was learning more about the regional chapters and how vital they are to continued professional development.

This year, I will be paling around with Raul Gonzalez, the illustrator for my book, Candles in the Cabin. We met briefly when the book was in design phase and I’m excited to catch up with him again, even though we’re heading off to different breakout sessions. It will be nice to see a friendly face.

I will say that it was a little overwhelming to go from being by myself for most of the day to being with 1,000+ people, kind of like going from 0-to-60 mph in a Porsche, but it was also inspiring to know that I’m not alone!